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Hi everyone. How is work, love and life treating you, I hope we're happy with at least one of these. I want to talk about parenting and I hope I can stick to "the little things" here - whatever they are. Some of us are parents already, some will be, pretty soon, and some, hope to be one day. The thing is, many people have no idea what it takes to be parents, yes, even some that have 20 kids already. It's not just about giving birth so you could bear the title mummy/daddy, having little ones to send on errands to the nearby store or simply to have people to take care of you when you're old and gray. No, it goes way beyond that. Having children should not be for your selfish reasons alone (yes, alone because let's face it, it should be for our joy too). The society we have today is one way or another as a result of the grooming the people received by the parents. One day, your daughter might be president, your son might be an ambassador, what values will you instill in them? The foundation of everything in life goes a long way in determining the strength and success of that entity. Our children's foundations should be built by us and I tell you it is not an easy task at all, there are influences everywhere but at the end of the day they come back home to you and they look up to you the most. What do you tell them is wrong or right? What do you trash out and tell them never to pick up again? Do you tell them why? Let's look at some things parents do that affect their kids and hopefully, let's start to amend our ways; it's never too late to try.
Emotional Abuse to Child - When dealing with children, it is imperative to have patience. You can't just do otherwise. Kids will be kids, they will drive you crazy at many points but you are the adult and it is left to you to control yourself and not lose your mind while restoring order. It is not easy, trust me and the methods differ with the different age groups of kids. However, it is not okay no matter what to call your child foul names because you're frustrated. You should not say you're stupid, useless, good for nothing, foolish, worthless, empty headed, you get the drift. In Nigeria where I come from, this is like the norm in many households and it is very sad. Many have no idea what this does to a child. Look, they get this outside almost daily and you are the parent who should protect them from such talk but you then confirm what those people out there are saying and then they start to believe you. You know kids believe their parents so deeply. You tell them they are empty headed and they start to believe you and stop trying to understand Maths, I mean, dad has already said it's impossible so why try? You tell them they are good for nothing and they believe you and start to do only bad things, who do you want to blame, your spouse? Check yourself.
Emotional Abuse to Spouse - Parents need to be careful what they say to each other, especially in the presence of their kids. Most times these parents who insult each other also learned to do so from their own parents. It is not okay! As parents, you are co-partners in the family institution. Even in corporate organizations, do you see your bosses insulting one another in the presence of their subordinates? If that happens, that company is headed for destruction. It is the fact. The leadership of a body gives shape to how the team below turn out. As I type this, our leaders that fight on the news come to mind, so shameful. When kids see this happen in the home, they feel it is alright and they take this outside and if it is not addressed, they take it down to their homes too and the cycle continues. Parents should treat each other with mutual respect so the kids have no choice but to learn to respect people too.
Domestic Violence - First of all, this is not a little issue but I can't help but include it in this piece. I personally believe only mad people do this. Madness is on different levels and this to me is definitely madness. It is irrational thinking that does mad damage to your kids. Do you have any idea what they think when they see this in the home? Does your reason justify the act and the damage you bring upon your kids? This may be topic for another day in full length. I am very pained by this topic because I have spoken to kids lately who think it is very okay to give their wives a "little beating" when they "misbehave", these are kids from 9-14yrs. You have no idea how this broke my heart, to think that the parents are oblivious to what they have planted in the minds of their kids. They are oblivious to it and therefore cannot even address it and who is to say they will even address it correctly if they are partakers of the act? Domestic violence kills your child and kills the society. They take it to the classroom, to the streets and unavoidably to the homes if God does not intervene somewhere. Go for anger management classes, seek therapy, do what you need to do but don't destroy your child because you also were a victim. That is selfish and wicked.
Unforgiving - Sometimes even after we've done all we can as parents, our kids may disappoint us. Sometimes it goes deep and you wonder how you failed as a parent. You hear that your child robbed a bank, raped someone, changed sex or whatever crazy thing that kids do these days. I can imagine the pain and disappointment the parents would feel when they receive such news. We all pray that this never happens to us because it is a heavy thing to deal with, you feel responsible and you feel like a failure, a failure in what matters most in life. However, as painful as this is, the worst thing to do to such a child is to hold that child in contempt and abandon him/her. Bad things happen but life goes on, how? If you abandon them it will most likely go on in the wrong direction. If they can't find solace at home, where do they go? Yes, they messed up and their actions should have consequences but they shouldn't be left to wither. You still have to be there for them and try to bring them back to the right path. A parent's love should be unconditional as almost impossible as that is. Children being abandoned by their parents does serious damage to their mental and emotional health. You will only make things worse if you do not forgive your child and try to bring them back to the right path and even if they reject your attempts, they should always know that you love them regardless.
I'll stop here today, maybe this post will have a part 2, just maybe. My aim is to get parents to re-access themselves and for intending couples to re-think the decision of becoming parents. It is better you choose not to be a parent than to be a bad one. No one is perfect, we'll make mistakes, we don't know it all, the effort is what counts. You pray for God's guidance to do your part and leave the rest to Him. We learn everyday. Parenting is "Get it or Die Trying", you have to keep trying. Humans are difficult people to manage but like I said earlier, a strong foundation will help make the journey easier. Being a parent is a full time job for life, you stay at the same title with different roles as time passes by. Please take parenting seriously, for the sake of your child and the society as large.
Do you have any damaging experiences you may want to share, do you have any advice for parents/couples? Please share with us, let's try shape a better society with the new generation we're grooming.
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