Friends and Toxic Friendships….

picture from http://www.herstoriesproject.com/

Hey guys, how have you all been? I know it has been a while again; I have been dealing with spiritual, mental, financial and emotional issues. Yes, ALL of them and perhaps even more. Have I got them all figured out? Nope, but let’s just say, I’m in a better place now. I have missed you more than you can ever know and I apologize yet again for my absence. I know your loving hearts will be kind enough to forgive me, one of the reasons why I love you guys and NO, I am not taking you for granted AT ALL, I love you too much.

Okay, so with all the love in my heart right now, I decided that we should talk a bit about friends/friendships. Yes, friends! I’m not going to the dictionary definition now because, I have come to see that many of us define who friends are differently. Basically, I want to know what one must do before you can term that one as a friend. Do I have to make you laugh, be rich, do I have to be smart or sexy or fine or a good listener or a good cook? Or do I not need to do anything at all?

I’m not sure I have a certain pattern I adopt in choosing my friends. Please note that I am not talking about acquaintances here, I mean real people you call friends. For me, a friend is one I can call at any hour to cry to, one I can depend on for certain things, one whom I’d seek advice from, one who will not be scared to call me on my crap, one who wants the best for me and shows it in their actions more than words, one who will annoy me and cheer me up when I need it, and one who just knows when to let me be too.  From my description of my friends, you can tell that these are people I’d love to be around, these are people I’m comfortable with, people who I would learn things from, people who I can really talk to. I know I’m talking about my friends and not being a friend, yes, it is intentional for the purpose of this post, at least, to this point - follow me.

Ok, so now to the point of this post ( I can rant abi?), it has come to my notice that some people consider some other people who make them feel like crap-i.e, think less of themselves by believing they are no good or cannot achieve anything, that sort of thing, or make them do stupid things( of which they would happily and totally exclude themselves if caught and made to pay the consequences). Ehen, where was I? Yes, it has come to my notice and it makes me really upset that this happens among adults, adults oh! Allow me to give you samples please: (DISCLAIMER-IF YOUR STORY FALLS IN HERE, IT IS MERELY A COINCIDENCE, MOVE ON!) You have a passion for singing and you have been told by many that you are a great singer, but this one friend you probably consider your closest tells you quite often, jokingly and seriously that you should please sing only in sound proof environments to spare the world such torture (hehe, we yab like this in my home, but that’s cause we can take it and we know when we are being true). You then begin to tell yourself that this person knows you best and would tell you the truth, if you check it, this “CLOSE” friend always has condescending words for you, always somehow indirectly telling you how much better they are in about everything. Their issue is mental and it is deep, topic for another day, word for you, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND SURROUND YOUR SELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD HELP YOU GROW. Even if it were true that you can’t sing, a true friend will know the right way to tell you, we are all different, what one can take, another may not be able to take and a real friend should know you enough to know the best way to dish it out, right, and will respect your wishes to try if you insist. Second sample; say you like this dude, he started to act like he likes you too but then you find out that he’s married-what is a sane human to do in this situation? Walk Away! But, your dear friend makes it impossible for you to walk away every time you try, tells you how she’s certain he’ll be leaving his wife soon, tells you to dress sexy and go to his office, gives you unsolicited updates about his welfare, finally probably tells you to get pregnant for him even. You see, this kind of so called friends, there’s no word to describe their depth of evil. Whether it is jealousy and a deep desire to set you up or a crazy desire to live lives through you because they do not have the courage to do the deeds themselves, I don’t know. One thing is certain, THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU! STAY AWAY!

There are so many of these kinds of people around in different magnitudes and directions. Some would want to use you and never be there to help you when you need them. Toxic friendships come in different shapes and sizes, believe me, and like toxins, they will do you serious harm. Sometimes, you need to do what’s best for you and those who truly love you. Remember that you can be friendly and not necessarily be friends with people. Choose your friends wisely, they told us this since pre-school right? Well, apparently, many still need to hear it. Choose people who value you and who you will value as well and be blessings to one another in every way possible.

Tell me, have you had experiences with toxic friends? Please share with us…